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Uncoupling Book Cover

Uncoupling, an insider’s guide to separation in New Zealand

How do you know it’s over?

by | Aug 25, 2021

I can’t speak for my former partner, but I can’t recall when I was last truly happy in that relationship.

Just a small push too far got me thinking about how life on my own could pan out. I spent months assessing my life and coming to terms with how I felt about being alone and struggling financially.

I had nothing to fall back on – no career, no source of funds outside the relationship – and no one to rely on. At 55 I believed there was no certainty that I’d find someone else (was I attractive enough? were there even people out there?), let alone form another relationship, so I needed to get to a point where I’d rather be alone – forever – than stay.

Needing to talk, I shared with two close friends, both happily married. They were useful and sympathetic, but had no practical experience, and eventually I sought the advice of a counsellor. Again, I realised the only people who can make life-changing decisions about a relationship are the people in it, and that meant me.

These issues are addressed squarely in Uncoupling, with guidance to rebuild after a break-up.

Uncoupling, an insider’s guide to separation in New Zealand

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