Achieving financial settlement means moving on. For me, not knowing where I stood financially was really holding me back in other parts of my life. It created a lot of anxiety. 

I would make plans, but not feel confident I could afford to implement them. I didn’t even have the certainty of knowing where I would live.  

A big part of this was not knowing when the legal bills and other costs of separation would end. With that hanging over me, I found it hard to commit funds to anything.  

I was building a business and needed a new laptop, training and marketing; I had developed new interests and to pursue those needed equipment; and to keep sane I needed to be social. All of these calls on funds had to be minimised, with the effect that it minimised my income also.  

It took three years to settle with my ex, and it took a month for it to really sink in that that part of my life was actually over. There was no hold over me, no more time spent with my lawyer or crafting careful emails to my ex, and no further financial commitment.  

I was free.