Research states divorce or separation is the second most stressful adult life event after the death of a spouse or child, but that was challenged by people I interviewed for this book.

Friends frequently scatter as if separation were COVID, or feel they need to pick a side, and even if it is your side, they don’t know what to say; there are no social invitations, and no meals left on the doorstep as frequently happens after a death.

The effect of separation is shocking in its immediacy. Everything changes in an instant. Children mourn a stable (if unhappy) family, friends duck for cover, and life-changing decisions are made through a mist of grief and uncertainty. Often one or other person in the relationship will block access to funds, leaving the other high and dry.

I was the person making the announcement in my relationship, and it resulted in a traumatic three year journey to financial separation. With no job and no established career path, I was entirely at the mercy of the success or otherwise of the outcome of negotiations between lawyers to establish where I stood financially. The good news is that it does end. It has to!

The book – Uncoupling – addresses the key issues of separation, including the law in New Zealand, managing lawyers and keeping costs down and spirits up.