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Uncoupling Book Cover

By Barbara Relph

Uncoupling

an insider’s guide to separation in New Zealand

Answering practical questions to help you navigate the challenges of separation, Uncoupling will help you move through each step and into the next phase of your life.

Whether you are uncoupling from a relationship, or find yourself suddenly uncoupled, you will find practical help here.

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Listen to Barbara's interview with Kathryn Ryan.

Barbara discusses her book, how it came about and some practical advice from the book  – Listen Here

About Uncoupling

This is not the story of a separation, but is a practical guide, inspired by my own experiences and research with New Zealand experts.

Answering many of the tricky questions resulting from separation, the book is dotted with real life anecdotes shared by the many men and women I interviewed while researching separation in New Zealand.

The stages of separation are presented in a logical sequence from the difficult early days, to making sense of the legal process, through to consciously creating a better life.

How do you know this is what you want?

It's one of life's most difficult decisions. Uncoupling outlines useful ways to help you make the decision to stay coupled, or to uncouple.

Emotional turmoil and big decisions

How do you tell your children? Where will you live? How will you pay for it?
All while grieving a lost relationship. Uncoupling guides you through.

What are your legal rights?

Enter this process with your eyes open, understanding the resolution options and the law covering key separation issues - property and children.

Find a lawyer, save on costs

Do I need a lawyer? How to make a good decision and get good value. It's expensive and Uncoupling shows you how to minimise costs.

Take care of yourself and your finances

It's time to take control, starting with taking care of yourself. What do you want from your new life? Are your finances under control? Is your work life future-fit?

Protect your assets in case you fall in love (again)

How is your social life? Have you tried online dating? And if you do happen to meet the new love of your life, do you know how to protect yourself and your assets?

How do you tell your partner you want to separate?

How do you tell your partner you want to separate?

If there is no other way, you have one or more difficult conversations ahead. Even if you are both unhappy in the relationship, the one hearing the announcement will be shocked – this will be actual shock. There will likely be tears and accusations. How you behave in...

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What does it mean to uncouple?

What does it mean to uncouple?

Uncoupling from a relationship means uncoupling not just from the person but from the lifestyle and the family unit. You are also untangling finances and assets, friendships and families. It can get complicated but that doesn’t mean you should stay in a relationship...

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Unlucky in Love?

Unlucky in Love?

Many people say they have looked, but there’s just no one out there that they would want to have a relationship with. There are many ways to have a relationship and looking beyond the traditional can be eye-opening. A key factor here is attitude. Having an open mind...

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Author

Barbara Relph

When my relationship ended, I faced turmoil. With no stable income source and no established career path, I was forced to re-think my life.

I became a professional writer and editor in 2017 and am now living a life which surprises me every day.

Having personally worked through many of the issues in Uncoupling, I have a strong desire to ease the experience of others, using my new-found knowledge as a starting point.

Listen to Barbara’s interview with Kathryn Ryan.

Barbara discusses her book, how it came about and some practical advice from the book  – Listen Here

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Antonia Fisher QC Relationship Property Specialist

I believe Uncoupling to be an enormously useful resource for women and men at any stage of the separation process.

When I met Barbara for the first time, post-financial settlement, I commented that it seemed separation was the best thing that ever happened to her. She agreed.

I see clients every day who would benefit from Uncoupling. I couldn’t have written it better myself.

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barbara@barbararelph.com